Bert

It was four months before Christmas, and all the elves in the North Pole were busy making toys and chattering happy chatter; all the elves that is, except Bert. Bert wasn’t happy, and everyone knew it.

“Good morning, Bert,” his boss, Mr. Spritely, would say when Bert came to work.

“Grrrr,” Bert would grumble and walk to his desk with a scowl on his face, his arms crossed, and his head down.

“Lovely day for making toys, isn’t it, Bert?” his elf friends would say. 

“Grrrr,” Bert would reply. 

“Why the long face, Bert?” his friends would ask.

Bert’s response was always the same. “I don’t believe in kids.”

Bert’s friends did all they could to cheer him up, but Bert refused to be cheerful, and the elves that worked around him were beginning to become sad themselves.

Bert’s boss knew he needed to help Bert, but he didn’t know how. How do you convince an elf that children really do exist? he wondered. He knew he needed to talk to Santa about the problem before it went any further.

“Santa,” he began, taking a small sip of hot chocolate. “Oh that really is delicious hot chocolate, Santa. Where’d you get the recipe?”

“Ho, ho, ho,” Santa laughed. “I learned the recipe from a friend of mine in Bombay thousands of years ago. The special ingredient is curry powder.”

“Very tasty,” Mr. Spritely said, “and just the right temperature.” He sighed. “Santa, we’ve got a bit of a problem on our hands.”

“Oh?” Santa asked, surprised.

“Yes,” Mr. Spritely continued. “It’s Bert.”

“Bert?” Santa asked. “Why he’s one of our finest elves.”

“Was one of our finest elves,” Mr. Spritely said. “Oh, Santa, I don’t know how to tell you this, but he doesn’t believe in children anymore.”

“What? Doesn’t believe in children?” Santa asked. “How can that be?”

“It’s such a shame,” Mr. Spritely continued. “He used to put such joy into the toys he made. They had such a sparkle to them, you know?” Santa nodded, and Mr. Spritely continued. “Now, though, he makes toys with a frown on his face. He doesn’t even sing while he puts them together. There’s no joy in the toys, and I’m sure the children will feel Bert’s sad feelings when they open a gift he’s made.”

“Um-hum,” Santa said, twisting his frosty white mustache. “Well, this is a predicament. A predicament I’ve never faced before. I’d like to say he could ride in my sleigh on Christmas Eve and come see the children firsthand, but there are problems with that.”

“Like what?” Mr. Spritely asked.

“Well, none of the other elves have ever ridden in my sleigh on Christmas Eve. They all believe by faith that children exist and are receiving the toys they’ve made, and they rely on me to tell them what the children think of those toys. It just wouldn’t be fair to take Bert with me and no one else.”

“Hmm,” Mr. Spritely thought pensively.

“I’m tempted to say that Bert needs to learn to believe in children by faith without seeing them, just the way the children have to believe in me, but I’m afraid that if Bert’s doubt grows, he could spread his doubt to other elves. Where would we be then? All of the elves would stop making toys, and we’d be without Christmas altogether.”  

Mr. Spritely shook his head. “Oh Santa,” he said. “There must be a way to help Bert.”

“Well, Spritely, perhaps I’ll take a risk. Perhaps I’ll let Bert ride with me on Christmas Eve. Perhaps I can disguise Bert as a bird of some sort, so that if anyone sees him, they won’t know he’s an elf.”

“Oh, Santa, that’s a wonderful idea,” Mr. Spritely said, clapping his hands together. “Why don’t I bring him here so you can tell him?”

“Please do,” Santa smiled gently.

While Santa Clause and Mr. Spritely were making their plans, Bert was putting the finishing touches on a red tricycle. He decided that since he didn’t think any child would ever ride it, he would use colors on the tricycle that didn’t match. Instead of using white and red streamers for the handle bars, Bert used orange, pink, and blue streamers. He also left a very important screw out of one of the pedals. If a child ever did ride this tricycle, the pedal would fall off.

Proud of his work, Bert packed up his bag and left for home. On his way home, he ran into Mr. Spritely. “Oh, Bert,” he said, “I’ve got the most exciting news for you! Come with me to see Santa Clause at once.”

…

Christmas Eve morning, the North Pole was abuzz. The final touches had been made to all of the toys, and Santa had loaded every last one of them in his big red bag including the mismatched tricycle Bert had made. For all of the elves, today was a day of celebration, dancing, and anticipation. They couldn’t wait to hear Santa’s report on Christmas day of the children’s faces when they opened their gifts.

As Santa and the rest of the elves danced and sang and ate far too many cookies, Bert sat in a corner. “Grrrr,” he said to himself. He didn’t even seem grateful that he was about to take a trip no other elf had ever taken: a trip to see the rest of the world. And he certainly wasn’t grateful that he was making the trip in a bird costume. “This is ridiculous,” he mumbled, holding out his arm and looking at the feathers dangling from it.

“Ho, ho, ho,” Santa shouted at midnight. “It’s time for me to make my rounds. We’ll see you all tomorrow.”

“Goodbye, Santa!” the elves shouted. “Goodbye! Be sure to tell us what the children think of their gifts.”

“On Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen! On Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen! On Rudolph! Light the way!” 

The sleigh rose quickly into the air and disappeared from sight. The elves sighed a collective sigh. “We can’t wait until tomorrow,” they said and took themselves to bed.

…

Santa, Bert, and the reindeer made their way to New Zealand first. Santa stopped on each rooftop to drop off presents. Though there were more than a million homes in New Zealand, Bert didn’t see any children.

“Give it time,” Santa said.

“Grrrr,” Bert said, and crossed his arms.

They made their way through India and the Middle East, across Africa and into Europe, and Bert was getting more and more gloomy since he still hadn’t seen even one child.

“Grrrr,” Bert said. “I told you children don’t exist. This is all a waste of time.”

“Ho, ho, ho,” Santa laughed. “I guarantee you’ll see a child before the night is through!”

Santa decided to change his normal route a little and headed south for Hawaii. He brought his sleigh to a stop on the top of very small home by the ocean. As he climbed out of the sleigh, Santa stopped for just one moment to enjoy the view of an almost full moon shining over the vast water. “Ahh,” Santa said. “I love the North Pole, but if I ever retire, you’ll find me here in Hawaii.”

He picked up his bag of toys and slipped down the chimney. As Bert sat all alone in the sleigh, a large tropical bird caught site of him. Santa was back in the sleigh within just a few seconds, wiping cookie crumbs off his beard. And just as they started back up into the sky, the bird flew very close to the sleigh to get a better look at Bert. It flew so close, in fact, that it knocked Bert out of the sleigh. Down, down, down he fell right through the small chimney Santa had just been down and into someone’s fireplace. The fall through the small chimney tore Bert’s bird costume to shreds, and it sat in a heap in the fireplace. Bert picked himself up, dusted himself off, and found a corner to sit in to wait for Santa. 

But Santa never came. 

Bert was all alone in the house. He’d never been in a person’s home before and decided to explore a little. He wandered through the kitchen and up the stairs to a small bedroom. As he stepped inside the door, he couldn’t believe his eyes.

There right in front of him, sleeping quietly in her bed, was a child. A real live child! Bert caught his breath. He could feel his heart beating faster. Could I have hit my head during the fall? he thought. Could I be imagining this? No, certainly not.  

He stood quietly in the doorway for several moments just watching the child. He saw a slight smile cross her face, hinting of the sweet dreams she was having. He noticed four wooden block letters hanging on her wall. “S-A-R-A,” Bert whispered to himself. “Her name is Sara.”

He tiptoed quietly back down the stairs and tried to find a hiding place in the living room, somewhere that would allow him to see Santa, if he came, and also Sara when she awoke in the morning. 

He found an oversized pillow crammed beside the side of the couch, and he hid himself behind it and waited. Bert awoke several hours later to the sound of little feet coming down the stairs. He peeked out from behind the pillow and watched Sara make her way into the living room.

He heard her gasp as she saw the presents under the Christmas tree. There was one gift, though, that had her complete attention. Bert turned his head following Sara’s gaze and saw she was staring at a brand new tricycle sitting under the tree. He sat stunned for a moment as he realized this was the mismatched tricycle he had made. Sara was now running towards the tricycle, her eyes shining from excitement. Bert quickly came out of his hiding place and ran over to Sara who was now taking a seat as she sat down on the tricycle. She looked at Bert and her mouth fell open. She’d never seen an elf before.

“I need to fix something,” Bert whispered to Sara, who still had not said a word. He looked around quickly and found a screw that was just the right size sitting on the floor beside him. I wonder how this got here, he thought and quickly put the screw in place to keep the pedal from falling off. 

Sara ran her little hands through the mismatched streamers hanging from the handlebars, and Bert couldn’t take his eyes off her face.

If I were describing this for the other elves, he thought, I would say her face is like the warmth of the sun shining into a cold winter day and that her joy is as comforting and touching as the sound of my favorite Christmas carol.

And then, as Sara peddled the tricycle through the living room to the kitchen, little elf tears began to well up in his eyes. “I never knew,” he whispered. “I never knew my little toys could bring such happiness.”

He watched as Sara opened other gifts. Her joy became his joy, and suddenly where doubt and grumpiness had been, Bert felt only peace and hope. He heard a thud on the roof and knew that Santa had finally come for him. He ran to give Sara a hug and crawled up the chimney.

“Thank you,” he heard her little voice say as he climbed out to the roof.

“You’re welcome!” he whispered down to her. “Merry Christmas!”

He sat for a few moments on the roof before Santa saw him and quickly picked him up. “Where have you been, Bert?” Santa asked. “I’ve been so worried about you!”

“Oh, I was just meeting a child for the first time. That’s all,” Bert replied.

“So you saw one then?” Santa asked

“Oh, Santa! I did, and she was beautiful and wonderful. I’ll never forget her.

Thank you for bringing me on this trip with you. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

“Ho, ho, ho. You’re welcome, Bert. Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas, Santa!” Bert said, and they flew back to the North Pole to tell all the other elves how the children loved their toys.

The End